Sunday, April 22, 2012

The Mission of the Elijah Wall

The Elijah Wall has one mission: to foster reconciliation between gay youth, men and women and their parents. Why is this site called the Elijah Wall? The reference to Elijah comes Malachi 4:5-6 and Section 2 of "The Doctrine & Covenants." These passages envision the ancient Israelite prophet Elijah returning to earth to bring about a reconcilation between parents and children; to turn the hearts of each one to another; to establish an eternal link between the generations. The concept of a Wall refers to the Western Wall in Jersusalem--the holiest site in Judaism. This massive stone wall is all that remains of city's ancient Temple. The ancient Israelites believed that the Temple was the actual abode of God on earth. Since the wall is all that remains, people come from around the world to pray there, to pour out the deepest spiritual longings. Long ago a tradition began: people would write out their most fervent prayers on pieces of paper, which they would then fold, insert between the stones of the wall and leave at this holy site. The Elijah Wall will serve as a place where gay youth and adults can anonymously express their feelings without fear of judgment or rejection. The things they have wanted to say to their parents but have not felt free to say, can be expressed here. Likewise parents of homosexual children can anonymously express their feelings here. They can explain the confusion, disappointments or frustrations they felt when they first discovered or suspected that their child was homosexual. At the Elijah Wall they can also express the love they feel for their homosexual children--a love they may have been afraid to express for fear of judgment from some family members, friends or religious leaders. Too many churches and religious organizations have, for too long, played a powerful role in tearing families apart over the issue of homosexuality. While claiming authority to speak for God they have--on the one hand--proclaimed that the family is the most sacred institution on earth, while--on the other hand--denouncing the gay people in their midst as enemies of "family values." The result has been that many gay youth and adults who sincerely feel a connection to God and who deeply love their parents and familes have been excommunicated. Denounced by the very people they once believed loved them unconditionally, they have been forced to start completely new lives for themselves. Even when those new lives have been fruitful, productive and happy, these gay men and women often continue to deal with profound feelings of loss because they have grown apart from their parents. The pain felt by devout parents of homosexual children is also very real and profound. The religion which once provided them with a sense of security and moral clarity has now caused them to feel a profound sense of regret, shame, loss and moral confusion. Many have felt that they have been given no choice but sacrifice their children in the name of their faith. While their religious leaders may assure them that they have done the right thing and that "in the end" God will bless them, the day to day reality for these parents is that they have lost their child--the unique human being whom they brought into the world, nurtured, protected and loved. In light of losing one's child, promises of future blessings in eternity and heaven can seem shallow and meaningless. The Elijah Wall serves as a place where gay people and their parents can pour out their feelings and reach out to one another without fear of judgment or rejection--because this is all done anonymously. As with the Western Wall of the Temple in Jerusalem, no one needs to reveal his or her name or idenity. Simply write down your feelings; tell your mother, your father, your son, your daughter those things you want them to know and understand. Send them to: and they will posted here. The Elijah Wall will also serve as a place where others can come and look for answers. A gay youth struggling with parental relationships... A mother who secretly suspects a beloved child might be homsexual... A father who believes he has no choice but to withhold emotional support from a son or daughter because of their sexuality... A gay adult who mourns the loss of a relationship with parents... Any of these can come to the Elijah Wall, read your words and perhaps find some measure of comfort, insight and hope. Turning the hearts of children to their parents, and the hearts of parents to their children... Sealing parents and children to one another through family relations that are open, honest, supportive and loving... Working to truly preserve all families every where.... This is the mission of the Elijah Wall

Thursday, March 4, 2010

To my parents...

To My Dear Parents,


I know that being raised as you were makes it difficult for you to understand "why" I am "doing" this. But who and what I am is not a simple "this." It is not a choice nor it is a way to punish you as though you were a bad parent. I just am who I am. Some days I do not like me, but that is life. I know that you love me and I know that who I love may seem odd to you. No matter how we may avoid it at the end of the day it will not change. But at the end of the day, I also know that you are proud of me and my accomplishments. If you could only see that my accomplishments are a direct result of that which has made me different, then I think it would all make sense. My knowing that I was different and disliked made me work harder for acceptance. Now I know the only acceptance I need comes from myself. I have to deal with how things stand and move forward. Maybe as we get older that is harder. Maybe, but that is where you are at, and if so, that is okay. I know you love me. I hope that you know that I will always love you.


I have no idea what is possessing me to write you. You have been dead since I was seven. I think part of it is that I know you would never accept me. The military man in you would be furious as you have always been. Confronting that brick wall of thought might be the only way I can think to forgive you actually. You were by far not as kind as you could have been. Nightmares of my childhood still hold me back to this day. Less often as time passes. I guess I want you to know that I do remember the good as well as the bad. I do not color my perception. So my hope is that other fathers will not color theirs when their children need them the most.

Thank you both for all that you did to help me learn and grow.

Your son,


Friday, November 20, 2009

Loving You Both Dearly

Dear Mom and Dad,

I love you both for the support you have given me over the years. It has been a long journey, but we are about to the end of it. Things will continue to improve over the next several months and I don't want you to forget the relationship we had while I was living at home.

I have to say in all honesty that my parents have been my best friends over the last eight years. In some ways, I don't want to leave home, but I'm ready to spread my wings like an young eagle about to leave its nest.Now I want to share something with you that might make you a little uncomfortable.

When I was a child, about the age to be baptized (eight years or so) I was sexually molested. I do not know who molested me, but I have do doubt that the molestation occurred. I have had sexually difficulties all of my life as a result of this experience and some others. I have decided after some deliberation that I am a gay man. I have romantic feelings for both men and women. I have no regrets about my feelings of sexual attraction and will have multiple sex partners for the rest of my life. Now I know that your religion views my sentiments as vile and apostate. Let me say that my feelings toward men and women are the most normal thing in the world for me, even if I had parents who raised me to thinks of gays and lesbians as abnormal sinners. If there is a god and my life has some intended purpose, I believe it is teach people how to love each other no matter their shape, gender, size, creed, nationality, skin color, or sexual preference. Someday I will come out of the closet, the one that I have been in for decades; I hope that you will support me in this endeavor when it occurs. I'm ready to move forward into the next stage of my life. It will be an adventure as my entire life has been so far.

I hope that I can make a difference in this world of ours.

Yours forever (especially Mom's),

(Name withheld)